zondag 26 juli 2009

Being a mother

No, I was not on holiday. Our computer took one. But now he likes to work again, and I first intended to do a lot of catching up. Telling you what happened in the mean time. But some things will return here, in one way or another and I just focus on our birthdays. Pelle turned 4, on Tuesday and I myself became 45 on Monday. Yes, I just turned 41 when I gave birth.
I would have loved to be younger, not for the sake of being a younger mother, but for the sake of enjoying motherhood earlier in life.
But nature went its own course and after 3 miscarriages Mark and I gave up on our longing of being parents. I made a decision at 40, consciously gave up on my desire. Because I just didn’t want to grief anymore over a life I would never have. Because I honestly felt that Mark and I would continue to be happy and live a full life without a child. Because I wanted to live in the here and now, with all that presented itself.
Of course that’s something that grows in you. Zen practice helped me a lot. The philosophy that you have to let go in stead of hang on to. If you let go, life really opens up to you. So that’s what I did. I let go. And than things took an unexpected turn. There was this little soul that tried to nestle in and ... it stayed. And at the end I’m so thankful that Pelle came. Because of course I just didn’t know what I was giving up on. The immense joy and happiness, the love I feel and never knew I had in me. Having a role in life that I like so much and is sometimes challenging but never to hard. Seeing my partner and soul mate, being the most loving and caring dad I knew he would be. Fulfilling our potential in such a great way. So there’s reason to celebrate. And that we did last Sunday. With friends and family. And it was a great day. I am blessed.

See you in a week. We’re going to camp in a huge tent.

vrijdag 10 juli 2009

Every inch a boy

At three years of age (almost 4) Pelle knows quite a lot of carbrands. Whenever we bike or walk outside, he summs up what he sees: Opel, Volkswagen, Audi, BMW, Toyota, Peugot, Renault, Ford. So I made him a T-shirt with cars on them. I appliqued the cars with a yellow and green cotton and stiched the wheels and windows with the sewingmachine. Because of the yellow on the front I included a yellow band on the arms. It was so much fun to do. But I'm still wondering if I read all the other blogs how on earth those mums whip up 1 T-shirt in an hour. This one took me 3 evenings. I don't mind, since it's so enjoyable, but still, I guess my techniques are to complicated.

When I finish the other UFO’s waiting in line (7 down, 3 to go), I will be making him a pant or T with busses, because the bus is his absolute favourite vehicle at this moment. He jumps from joy when I announce that we are going for a ride and can watch them for houres on a row.

zondag 5 juli 2009

Unintended PJ

I originally made these PJ pants as a lining to a corduroy pant I made this spring. But since I decided that the pants are warm enough by themselves I finished this one off by adding checkered cuffs. (The wrong way round, as you can see. I might mask that with a biasbind). I used a flanel fabric of the shirt off one off Mark’s PJ’s. So father and son now have almost the same pants.
Pelle is not wearing the pants yet, because it’s way to warm at the moment. We are having so much sun right now. A wonderfull beginning of the hollidays.
The pants are part of my challenge, to finish off all the UFO’s lying around. You can read more about it here, and here, and here. I’m 6 down, and have 4 to go, yet. I’ll keep you posted.

zaterdag 4 juli 2009

Memorable Friday

Yesterday, my mother finally came home. After her fall on Gran Canaria, she recovered in a nursinghome. It took quite some time but now she's back. I'm very glad.

For Pelle, it was his last day for the toddlersplaygroup. Since he will become 4 later on in July, he will go to school in August. And since the hollidays started over here, it was his time to say goodbye.


Hey guy, your the sweetest boy on earth!